Money...

So, I always say, "Money is a necessary thing because society lays such store in it. But, all I want from life is to have what I need when I need it and have some of the things I want." I have come to find that when there is no funds...there is no fun. That's just the way life is. I am desperate these days. I have no one to talk to about it, so I guess it is just as well that no one is expected to read this blah, blah, blah. I suppose this will be my place where I can voice my deep sadness and my distress. I try to be positive in everything I do, but lately, I seem to smile when all I want to do is step off this big ole rotating ball o' dirt and water, we call earth. Can't do it though. I have never been much good at quitting anything. So, as much as I hate to do it, I suppose I am here to stay. I am not really thrilled about it at this moment, but as with every other distressing time in my life, this too shall pass (I hope). I love living, but I don't much care for my life at this moment. I pray and cry and beg for some help. Yet, it is deeper and deeper into the abyss I fall. Free falling, actually. How is it that a social worker finds and connects so many people with resources to enrich their lives cannot find enrichment in her own? All the folks I assist don't know that most of the financial resources I find them are the same ones I need for myself. I cant ask for help. I am the getter of those things. I am not the recipient. I am a professional in this area. I can't risk my peers knowing that I am in a financial hole that is so large a bobcat couldn't dig me out. I feel like I am drowning and can't catch my breath, being pulled further and further down under the water where I will never find the light of day again. I want to scream "HELP ME!!" But instead, I smile and joke and try to be cheerful so that I don't bring down those I care about or those I serve. I am trapped.